Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Most Traumatic Doctor's Appointment. Ever.

Emma Kate is not sick often. She has never had strep and hasn't had an ear infection since she got her tubes at 2. She generally doesn't have a runny nose or a cough.  Not that she has always been the epitome of health. Her first year was, well hell, with the asthma and the reflux and the thrush that would not go away.  So, I feel like we paid out health dues early on in her life, so I am totally ok with not going to the doctor but once a year. 
Speaking of doctors, we are so very lucky that a friend of mine from college decided to be a pediatrician AND move back to Auburn AND practice at the office we were already using when we first moved here. She may be the cutest person on the planet. Emma Kate loves--LOVES--her.  She is the LEAST threatening doctor to ever wear a white coat and I swear if I could get my insurance to pay for me to go to a pediatrician, she would so be my doctor, too.  This is Dr. Williams (formerly Dr. Mimmimmis.)
I mean, did you ever hang out with your doctor at Toomer's corner after a big victory? Yeah, me neither.

So after a few days of being puny and feverish, I sent Dr. Williams a text message that Emma Kate needed to come see her. We made an appointment for that afternoon.  Besides not feeling well, Emma Kate was actually excited about going. She hadn't seen Dr. Williams in awhile and there are always big princess stickers involved.
We went right back with no waiting and the nurse came in and took down some info.  We left the room to get the weight/height updated in the chart and I passed by a cute blond pregnant chic. It is Dr. Williams. Last time we saw her, she did tell us she had a baby in her belly, but we had not actually seen her with a baby belly. Now she was officially the cutest pregnant doctor ever.
We all headed back into the exam room. Brooke has the best bed-side manner for kids. She "tickled" EKs ears and looked at her throat. It looked a tad red, and although we had no other symptoms of strep, she decided it would be wise to do a strep test.  In all her creativity, she calls it the bippity boppity boo test, where she takes her magic swab and tickles the back of the throat and WALLLAAA, done.  Emma Kate had no fear and opened right up. "Ytechhtcckkhhh" She said as Brooke swabbed the first side. 
 Then the shock.
The lip.
The tears.
"That was toooo hard!!"
Brooke calmed her down and assured Emma Kate that she would be softer this time. She would even do it without the "Popsicle stick." Brooke edged closer to get the last swab when Emma Kate went into full lock down mode. The jaws were clenched. The growling commenced. She was not letting anyone near her throat or anywhere else for that matter.
Brooke, being ever so patient, explained that she had to do it--it would be quick, we would get some medicine and be better in no time. She would not have to miss gymnastics or school or her Christmas party......

.........we waited..........

Nothing. I reverted to threats. Bribes. I even pulled the Sissy card. "You don't want to be so sick you have to miss sissy's visit do you?"  If anything would work, it would be the Sissy card.
I held down her arms and Brooke went in for the swab.  Then my child started kicking.....Kicking. Kicking her legs every which way, complete with growls, mutters and I swear I heard a curse word. It looked like an exorcism.  As Brooke got closer, I lost my grip of the legs and Emma Kate kicked again.

She kicked straight out.
She kicked Brooke.
She kicked her doctor.
She kicked my very pregnant friend.
In the belly.
Oh. my. gosh.

Brooke, still with the patience of Job, calmly explained to Emma Kate that this was NOT Okay, and that it had to be done.  She gave us a "minute" as she stepped out of the room.  I have known Brooke for 15 years. She has never seen me flustered, and likewise, I have never seen her angry. We BOTH wanted to be anywhere but there.  This was not normal behavior for my child.

I am blaming the fever (all 100.9 degrees of it).

When Brooke returned, it was more of the same. The clenching. The crying, screaming, convulsing. I couldn't do it anymore. We called in reinforcements. Nurse re-entered and I had to stand in the corner and look aways as my child screamed for her mother. It reminded me of the time I helped my grandad castrate a baby cow. It was screaming for its mother across the farm and all the mother could do was pace, helpless, from behaind another fence, and wait.  I turned away, and tears flowed down my face. It was a mix of emotions. It was the hurt that my child was in fear, it was embarrassment that my child had full-on high kicked my friend, it was helplessness that I had tried every parenting tactic I had in my bag and could not get my child to JUST. OPEN. HER. MOUTH.

After what seemed like 17 years, I heard the most wonderful sound ever. "YTECHHECKKTT."
Success.  The test was done. And it was positive. Strep.
The WONDERFUL Dr. Brooke Bondly Williams had persisted on going through pediatric hell to make sure my non-symptom daughter had her strep test. She even took a kick in the belly.  She prescribed some medicine and even brought back a big princess sticker. Then, she kissed my exhausted child on the head and apologized. SHE APOLOGIZED (so did a very sad Emma Kate.....she apologized as soon as Brooke came back into the room. At least I got that Mothering part right).  She apologized to my child?!
She is the best doctor ever. Emma Kate is 99% better as of today.

Me, I am 100% sure we are going to get through childhood and adolescence as healthy as possible, because we have the best pediatrician in the entire world, Dr. Mimmmimmms.

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